Discharge Eve and feeling emotional… | Aug, 2018
Personal Blog

I would never have guessed, that after 8 weeks bring in hospital, with only a tiny room for five girls, and a male co-patient on the other side of the unit, screaming patients in the hallway, nurses in and out all night, security watching our room, wonky showers and pure mental exhaustion...that I would have tears in my eyes as I prepare to leave the inpatient program for the second time.

I didn’t know, that having three meals together everyday, and two snacks, would bring comfort to me, during the first days of being terrified to eat. The expectation at meal time, is to eat all food, full completion, (or there would be a consequence, which nobody wanted..lol), and to see other people facing the same fears, helped me become a leader during our meals.

I found myself eating my meals with purpose, and even adding extra food on to meals if I was still hungry. My co-patients were speechless at the beginning, but soon I gained an ‘add on’ buddy. He would add something to his meal to support me, and to encourage himself to get over the fear that was inside himself.

I am proud to say, that by the end of eight weeks of meals together, completed each meal and snack with no consequence, and each of my co-patients were adding on to their meals.

Recovery win all the way!!

We also spent 2-3 group sessions together each day, and I must say, it was the most vulnerable I have been in my whole life. I was able to share in each group, listen to the struggles of my co-patients, and suddenly, I was no longer alone with my eating disorder.

Over my time in the hospital, these people forever changed my life in more ways than words could ever explain.

We held each other’s hands, we caught each other’s tears, we celebrated our successes and we hurt together. I have yet to meet five people that represent eating disorders in such unique, and honest circumstances.

I am realizing today that my co-patients have been my lifeline in here, and they have helped me succeed at my goals, as I have helped them be the best they can be. These are angles that will walk by side forever, and they all hold a special place in my heart.

I will cry a lot tonight, as I leave this family behind, and go home to the people that mean the very most in my life. I would never change that for the world, but my heart breaks for those I leave behind.

Eating disorders have a 20% death rate within mental health...it is the number one cause of death...and I am thankful to be here today, and I will pray each day for our recovery.

I hope their journeys are bright, and I choose to believe, that recovery will guide their future path.

I will continue to spread the word on eating disorders in hopes that one post will save a life, and I will share my recovery, in hopes it gives someone hope to keep fighting, even when it seems impossible.

Thank you my friends for being in my life, and for helping me find myself again.

The Only Way Out is Through…


Image from Pexels.com - CC0 License - Source: Gratisography.com

My name is Penny and my blog has been written to take you on my journey of living with an eating disorder. To share my strength, hope, courage, tears, sadness and heartache, and my wishes for a better tomorrow. I don't know how my story will end, but the words 'I gave up' will never be printed. I am choosing to battle for my life an yours! I hope to spread awareness on Eating Disorders and Mental Health Issues.