Learning that I’m OK…

Learning that I’m OK… | Aug, 2018
Personal Blog


I don’t know how it is for other people...when you check your weight on a scale or see an old photograph from a year ago and they just don’t look right...lol

I had my first doctor’s appointment yesterday, and everything is fantastic!

That means I’m not engaging in behaviours, I’m doing self care, my weight is where it should be, and I’m a bit more sane than I was six months ago...yahoo for me, right?

In my heart, and in my now, wise mind, I know that I’ve worked hard to get to a healthier place, but the number on the scale was a trigger; The fact that I am ok is a trigger...I’m OK?

Weighing myself, flooded me with memories of the all the time I spent striving to be a certain weight, always checking to make sure the number reflected my goal and it made me sad to think how much control a number had over me.

Today, having gained 25 lbs still shocks me when I see my new number on the scale, but, I feel better now, so it must be for the best. At least that’s what I’m choosing to tell myself everyday.

I remind myself that my weight does not define me. My body is only a vehicle to help me get around, so I should be content with my vehicle, and happy to have one.

It’s OK to be OK!

When I got home, that very same day, as I was scrolling through FB, I had selfies pop up on my page from a year ago, and to be honest, they shocked me.

OMG...either I looked really bad then, or I look really bad now...I was so conflicted.

I know now, after a lot of hard work...that what I see in the mirror is often distorted, and my judging these pictures was not a good idea.

I rarely look in the mirror most days, and it was like looking at a before and after shot of myself, it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

The urges come back to try and be that girl from a year ago...but my wise mind tells me that girl is lucky to be alive.

My point is, I see life with distorted thoughts and images. I’m working hard to question my thoughts, and make sure the facts fit the emotion. This allows me to face reality and not get caught up in emotion mind.

My conclusion is, a year ago, I was beautiful but sick, I was thin and sick.

I now have cheeks, and that’s ok! I now where larger clothing, and that’s ok.

My body does not define me, and either do my cheek bones!

I’m learning to love me, and I hope that when you look in the mirror, you remind yourself that you are important, loved and needed! Just the way you are!

The Only Way Out Is Through...

 

Image from Pexels.com - Pexels License - Source: Artem Bali

My name is Penny and my blog has been written to take you on my journey of living with an eating disorder. To share my strength, hope, courage, tears, sadness and heartache, and my wishes for a better tomorrow. I don't know how my story will end, but the words 'I gave up' will never be printed. I am choosing to battle for my life an yours! I hope to spread awareness on Eating Disorders and Mental Health Issues.